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February 2, 2010

A Real Man’s Guide to Getting the Girl of Your Dreams

Filed under: Love Advice — admin @ 10:42 pm

Many people ask me how I was such the lady’s man back in the day.  I could write volumes of books on the subject that would turn even the most geekiest of nerd balls into a casanova.  Here are a few tips and tricks to help get you started. 

1)  Speak Old English with an Ebonics Twist
The ladies absolutely love when you put out the ole Romeo charm.  Remember though – you just can’t overdo this!  What I mean is, the more old English and Ebonics, the better.  Here is a translation example for you:

Hi Jennifer, I really like you.  You are so pretty!  Would you like to watch a movie with me this Friday?

Instead, say:

Harken, fare J-dizzle!  I haveth fallen for thine.  You be SLAMMIN, YO!  Would thouest accompanyeth me to the play this eve?

2)  Insult her family members

If you are in high school, the odds are that the fair young lady you are going after hates her brothers, sisters and parents for reasons such as curfews, rules, clothing, etc.  To get on her good side, start off the game slow, with a little “parents suck sometimes, don’t they?”  If she takes the bait, by complaining about her parents, you are home free and ready to start ripping at how dumb her siblings are, or how creepy you think her dad is.  You can’t say too much.  If you really want to swing for the fences, throw in a few “yo mama” jokes in there.  She will be yours in no time.

3)  Show your intelligence, show your control

A real woman wants a real man.  One who can assert himself.   It is up to you to challenge everything, and I mean EVERYTHING she brings up.  Always answer with “That’s what you think!”  or “Prove it!”  When she starts talking about something that doesn’t interest you, simply interrupt.  Make sure you have an annoyed look on your face.  It will really get the message across, and get her interested because she knows you are a true gem.

4)  Wear a button up shirt, but don’t button half the buttons

What is better than showing a little skin?  Showing a little hair!  Unbutton the top several buttons, Fluff up that chest hair, and make sure she can see it.  For extra points, leave the bottom few buttons open as well, so she can see some belly button and belly hair.  It will drive her wild!

5)  Know the right way to romance her

Make her dinner – your favorite, not hers.  Light some candles.  After the mood is set, look deeply in her eyes, and move closer to her.  She will come to you as well.  Make sure that you two meet over the open candle light.  Close your eyes, and she will do the same.  As her eyes are closed, take the lit candle and set fire to her dress.  This will cause her to drop on the ground and roll around like crazy.  Now is the time to take action by throwing water and dinner rolls at her.  She will be so thankful you saved her, she will be yours forever. 

That is it for now.  After mastering these 5 techniques, you will surely be on your way to a modern day Romeo.

1 Comment »

  1. OMG HILARIOUS! I am rolling!

    Comment by Kristin Rae — February 3, 2010 @ 7:46 pm

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