The lifespan of an inanimate object is determined by that of its usefulness compounded by the square root of your mom.

December 5, 2012

December 21st, 2012: The End of … Yellow.

Filed under: Top News Stories — admin @ 7:32 pm

NQT Exclusive:

Recently, scientists have discovered the true meaning of the so-called Mayan prophecy.  While an overwhelmingly number of scientists agree, very few will go on record about it.

“The Mayan calendar does not predict the demise of life as we know it,” one renowned scientist said.  “It merely predicts the demise of the color spectrum as we know it.”

It has come about that the Mayans were far more advanced astronomically than we will probably ever know.  In fact, the upcoming 12/21/12 date is accurately predicted to be the time that the Earth is in alignment with the middle of the milky way, which happens every 2,600 years, just like clock-work.

The problem:  the color spectrum.  The color yellow will cease to exist.  Or at least, the way our eyes interpret yellow.

“Literally everything that is yellow, will no longer look like yellow.” Scientist Edison Shrabner commented.  “We predict the color we now know as yellow, will become almost a pure white.  This is in part because of the way our atmosphere will handle the color spectrum, given our new position in the milky way.”

Many are up in arms about the new color change.  From racial issues to depression, life as we know it will change dramatically.  Here are a few examples:

  • Smiley faces will no longer be yellow.  They will be white, and appear as smiley ghosts.  Those who have problems with ghosts, will now see a smiley…er…ghost face as a negative thing.
  • Taunting people who are cowards by calling them “Yellow” will now have to call them “white”.   Probably will not go over too well.
  • Children will no longer be able to refrain from eating the yellow snow.  Talk about potty mouth.
  • The death rate of breakfast eaters is expected to jump at an alarming rate.  Those who are allergic to egg yokes, will no longer be able to determine if their scrambled eggs were made out of pure egg whites.  The same goes for those drinking orange juice, as milk and oj will no longer be distinguishable.

The list goes on.  December 21st, 2012 may not be the end of the world, but if you ask this writer, based upon the list above – it might as well be.

No Comments »

No comments yet.

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Powered by WordPress