That sounds like it is coming from a girl who has never tried honey mustard before!

February 2, 2010

Disturbing Pact Among high school girls at Dwight T Elster High

Filed under: Top News Stories — admin @ 10:05 pm

It has taken the nation by storm – a pact so disturbing, that it has put the town of Okstur, OK on the road to eternal infamy.  It has teachers disturbed, the male population of the school is taking notice and parents are in tears. 

18 young freshmen women from Dwight T Elster high school have made a pact, entering high school to never wear deoderant. 

“We just want to be remembered, not for our looks, but for our oderiferous emination.”  Casey Stetsenburg told our reporters thursday afternoon. 

A comment made later by the Superintendant threw even more confusion to the very smelly fire: 

“We have had their school mates pass out because of the stench.  One time, it was so overpowering, one student passed out and was in a coma for 3 days!  This has to stop, but we just don’t know what to do.  The teachers send them to the office because they smell.  The principal sends them home becuase they don’t want them stinking up the office, and the parents send them back to school because they have to deal with it the rest of the evening and weekends.” 

Dwight T Elster has even made it into the Guiness Book of World Records this past month for “smelliest school”, when they went live.  The newly minted award is just the third opinion based award given out, right behind world’s most obnoxious actor (Ashton Kutcher), and world’s most disgusting jelly bean. 

Strangely enough, it seems as though it is attracting young men from the school.  The stench that seems to be turning everyone off is causing upper classmen to go wild. 

“Several of them smell wretched, but there are a few that smell like roasted peanuts that have been drenched in lemon juice.  I like that smell.”  said Scott Andrews, Junior.

“Yeah, for real.  That’s the truth.  I really dig that one honey who smells like a box of silverware.”  Damien Michaels, Sophomore chimed in with. 

As if the quiet town of Okstur didn’t have enough to worry about, there have been accounts of terrorizing the young ladies while at home.  From throwing fiery deoderant sticks through windows, to dumping perfume on animals, they have had to endure many hardships. 

Will they quit?

“Absolutely not.”  Stetsenburg answered.  “Our mothers had a similar pact back in high school and it never got the attention that we have.  We really look up to them for the trail they have blazed.  They went so far to hold seeds of sage and bazil under their armpits, and within 2 weeks, they had sprouts growing – that is quite an amazing feat!  Heck, some had miniature gardens growing various types of vegetables in there!”

There is no official word from the Superintendant as to what, if any action will be taken about the issue at hand.  He is trying to stay away from the school as much as possible for obvious reasons.

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